What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
