My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
