I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
