I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I wish there were birth control emojis
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
