Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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