She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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