Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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