Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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