My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
