birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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