Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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