Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
