How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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