there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
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There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
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Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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