She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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