my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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