I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
