We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
