it hurts more in the daytime
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
