I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
