Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
