does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Randomize
