This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
