Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
