Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
