I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
