If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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