you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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