I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
