Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
