So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
