i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
