that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
