New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
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