Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
