just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
