I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It was like getting head from an anaconda
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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