so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Why can't burritos get me drunk
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
