dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
