What a fucking waste of an outfit
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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