i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
