apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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