i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
