I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
