Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
