i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
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He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
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So much rum. So many feels.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.