forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?