he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.