you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
