You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
