allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
