just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
