I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
