you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
