So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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