there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
