also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
