Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
