I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
