Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
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