I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
