that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
