Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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