i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to convert me to islam
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is officially offended.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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