WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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